Airline Jokes

Pilot: Apron, Interflug 195, requesting start-up.
Apron: Sorry, Interflug 195, we don't have your flight plan. What is your destination ?
Pilot: As always on Monday, we're flying to Leipzig.
Apron: But it's Tuesday today!
Pilot: What? Tuesday is our day off!

Pilot: Tower, there's a runway light burning.
Tower: I'm sure there must be dozens of lights burning.
Pilot: Sorry, I mean it's smoking.

Tower: Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading.
Pilot: Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345...

Tower: Lufthansa 893, you're number one, check for workers on the taxiway.
Pilot: Roger ..... We've checked, they're all working.

Tower: Delta Oscar Mike, squawk 0476.
Pilot: Say again.
Tower: Squawk 0476.
Pilot: Four, zero...?
Tower: Do you need an easier one?

Tower: Delta Bravo Charlie, your squawk is really seven-zero-four-six?
Pilot: Affirmative.
Tower: I'll send you an excavator, your heigth is minus nine-zero feet.

Tower: Lufthansa eight-six-one-oh cleared for take-off.
Pilot (LH 8610): We haven't landed yet.
Tower: Who's lined up on two-six south?
Pilot (LH 8801): Lufthansa eight-eight-oh-one.
Tower: Well, YOU're cleared for take-off then.

Tower: Delta Mike Zulu, after landing cleared to taxi Alpha seven, Alpha five, Whiskey two, Delta one and Oscar two.
Pilot: Where the hell's that, we're not that familiar with this port?
Tower: Don't worry. I'm new here, too.

Tower: Delta Fox Alpha, hold position, Marshall will park you.
Pilot: Roger. Looking out for John Wayne.

Tower: Flamingo 019, do you have a Springbock in sight, twelve o'clock five miles crossing from left to right ?
Pilot: If you mean a 737...?
Tower: Yeah, you got it, you got it !

Pilot trainee: Lichtenfels info, DEITN, turning base right for runway two-two for go and touch.
Tower: DEITN, I got a request: Please first touch and then go.

Tower: You have traffic at ten o'clock, six miles!
Pilot: Give us another hint, we have digital watches!

Tower: Mission triple-three, do you have problems?
Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass.
Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel..

Pilot: Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM two-four-two request start up and push back, please.
Apron: KLM two-for-two expect start up in two hours.
Pilot: Please confirm: two hours delay?
Apron: Affirmative.
Pilot: In that case, cancel the good morning!

Eggenfelden Info : D-EXXX pls. report persons aboard.
D-EXXX (C-172) : Pilot and two pax and one dog.
Eggenfelden Info (after Cessna finally bounced to a stop): Assume the Pilot-in-Command was the dog ?

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