Airline Jokes

Tower (at Stuttgart): Lufthansa 5680, reduce to 170 knots.
Pilot: This is exactly like Frankurt. It's either 210 or 170. Never anything else; but we are soo flexible ...
Tower: So are we. Reduce to 173 knots.

Tower: Phantom - formation crossing control district without clearance, state your call sign!
Pilot: I'm not silly...

Pilot: Tower, please call me a fuel truck.
Tower: Roger. You are a fuel truck.

Pilot: Condor 471, I'm waiting for my Follow-me.
Tower: Negative, see yourself how you get to gate one-oh ... -

Tower: Delta Delta Whiskey, use taxiway zero-two-nine Charlie and Mike to proceed to gate one-two.
Pilot: Ah...taxiway zero-two-nine ...?
Tower: That's the small one to your left; you've just passed it.
Pilot: Sorry
Tower: Don't worry, take taxiway Mike.
Pilot: Ah, ...Mike ?
Tower: That will be the last one, just before the end of the runway ...

Pilot: Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo established ILS one-six.
Tower: Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land one-six, wind 5 knots zero-zero degrees and by the way: this is Vienna Tower.
Pilot: (After a little while) Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker.
Tower: Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna!
Pilot: (After a little while) Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?
Tower: You can believe me, this is Vienna
Pilot: But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna!
Tower: Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turn left heading oh-three-oh and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava.

Tower: Shamu two-two, please state estimated time of arrival.
Pilot: Ok, let's see..., I think Tuesday would be nice...

Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what??
Pilot: Yes, SIR!

LH741: Tower, give me a rough time check
Tower: It's Thursday, Sir.

Tower: Swissair eight-oh-nine, turn left heading directly for Trasadingen VOR. Do you need a radar vector ?
Pilot: Negative, we are receiving VOR. It's directly where the moon stands.
Tower: I couldn't say, I don't have the moon on my radar.

Pilot: Frankfurt information, this is Delta Bravo Zulu. We're over Dinkelsbuhl flight level nine-five.
Tower: Delta Bravo Zulu, you're requested to call Munich information!
Pilot: I know, but I find your programme more exciting.

Tower: DE..., turn downwind for runway two-six, you're number two behind a DC-9 turning base leg.
Pilot: DE..., turning downwind for two-nine, following a DC-6.
Tower: Not quite: Runway is two-six, traffic a DC-9.
Pilot: Roger, follow a DC-26 ... what was the runway?

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